photo by coyote jack
When’s the last time you took stock of your life?
I mean, really sat down and asked where you stand, where you want to stand, and how you’re getting there.
Mentally, I’m going through a lot of big movement in my life. I’m thinking about plans, goals, values — all those things that can be so hard to put your finger on.
But I’ve figured out the trick.
The times that I achieve those moments of clear vision and powerful motivation are when people ask me the simple, hard questions. I thrive in the company of those who challenge and question in a way that is positive — in a way that cultivates growth. Luckily, the people I hold very dear tend to do just that.
But I’ve also found these positive challenges in the connections I’ve made online, through blogging and social media. People like Chris and Chuck, who are willing to read my endless thoughts on directions I’m taking and look at chaotic mind maps I’ve drawn about my life (yes, I am that much of a nerd). It’s amazing how a simple question like, “What are your writing goals?” can let loose a torrent of unvoiced thoughts and hungers.
So, how do I start?
Well, you have a couple options.
1. Invite one of your stimulating, intelligent friends who understands your vision to go for a coffee. If you find you have no such friends, go find them on the train, or at a local coffee shop, on a blog you love, or on Twitter.
2. Be honest, and tell your friend that you are trying to understand your own goals and paths. Start to blab, and encourage them to chime in with insight and questions.
3. BE HONEST. Tell them every career, plan, or project you’ve considered doing in the next few years — you’ll be amazed what happens when you allow yourself to give these ideas voice. Now, skip to “The Final Step.”
or
Sit down by yourself, during a chunk of time that you know will be private and uninterrupted. Get a really big piece of paper, or several regular-sized ones. Sit somewhere where you can spread out.
1. On one page (or one section of the big page), do an idea dump of all the things you’d like to do in the next few years. ALL of them.
2. On another page or section, do an idea dump of all the ways you define yourself. You don’t have to show this to anyone else, so don’t stop yourself from scribbling “world-class pancake maker” or “poet of a distant world.”
3. After you’ve done those idea dumps and any others that feel relevant, take some time to consider where you stand in relation to your ideas. Pull out the things that scream to you most, and write them again on a new list.
The Final Step: This is the hard part. The part that is MUCH easier said than done, and that could warrant 83 blog posts on its own. And to be honest, it’s not the final step at all:
Take those essential ideas, the one that spark and explode inside your lungs, and make a plan. This plan is not set in stone, and it is not irreversible, but it will push you in a direction. It will push you to a place where you can sit down again and decide if you want to move forward in that same direction, or take a step to the left.
I’m working on stage 4 at the moment. Though it’s difficult and a bit intimidating, I can also tell you that it’s completely inspiring. A way to get re-motivated about yourself and your possibilities.
I’d love for you to use the comments section as a place for mini idea dumps. Or, let us know how you challenge yourself.
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I love the idea of questions – although I use them differently. I have a friend who is immersed in Amnar as a reader. He’s read pretty much everything I’ve written in the last five years. He asks me questions about the world. Very often I don’t have the answer immediately. Much of the world has been built from people like him and other fans who say “So… how does this work…?”
Joely Black´s last blog post..At the heart of creativity: try not to rape your muse as you work
This reminds me of a guy in college who told me to write all my goals on 3×5 cards. He said if I did that I had a much better chance of them being realized. I always believed it – and being the trepidatious person that I am – I chose very carefully what I wrote on those 3×5 cards. Every goal I wrote down I did, in fact, realize. Looking back, however, I would have written far different things on those cards. They would have been less focused on material gains and career success. I would have certainly made a goal: Spend more quality time with your father before he gets old and sick. Another: Take stock in your relationships ALL THE TIME, lest they might end – or continue in vain. I don’t live my life with regrets, but now, this post has reminded me – dig out the 3×5 cards and create a new set for the next 20 years.
jenx67´s last blog post..*i am a complete and utter failure*
I did an interview with another blogger about a month ago. I admired her blog but knew my direction was different in some ways I couldn’t voice. At the end of the interview, we just talked, peer to peer. She asked, “What are your goals?” I verbalized them, including my goals for a book-length work, which would mean fewer daily posts on-line and more private writing time without any tangible evidence of my goals in the public forums.
After that conversation, I’ve gone to what you call, The Final Step. And as I pursue this step, I’ve seen myself taking a different path than this fellow blogger and others. Sometimes, as a writer, that is scary, That’s the step I’m at. I flitter back and forth, trying to gain my footing there because my writing can’t get large scale feedback in this form. But at some point, the inspiration to create comes from within, not from external sources.
TJ Hirst´s last blog post..The Foutainhead: Capturing Our Creative Spirit
Kia ora Zoë!
My belief is that the average person does not question themself nor ask such questions of others that you bring forward here. I am not criticising and certainly not putting into question the validity of your questions either.
It’s just that I don’t believe that most people think too deeply about their goals/dreams/visions/missions in life. It’s for this reason (I believe) that so many authors have made money selling their books on goal-setting. The simple reason being that most people don’t really know how to use their thinking skills to set goals, let alone use them to find plans and strategies to pursue them.
Higher thinking skills are things I think a lot about, for I am a teacher who recognises that my students need to develop these skills. It’s not easy thinking through strategies to get other people to engage in higher thinking.
You are right to focus on ‘the question’, for it is in pursuing the answers to key questions that strategies for developing thinking skills can be thought through. Asking questions of ourselves and others is also part of how we think.
This is all very heavy, heady stuff for most people, who’d rather adopt a ‘what me worry?’ attitude.
TH Hirst I concur with what you are saying here. Such inspiration (and of course the thinking that goes along with it) has to come from within. What it’s triggered by, no one knows.
Catchya later
from Middle-earth
Ken Allan´s last blog post..A Panacea for Education Ills?
@ Joely – Yet another reason to share one’s work! That’s a really unique way questions can move you forward.
@ Jenx67 – Wonderful
… it’ll probably be both strange and exciting to do that practice all over again now. It’s so simple, but that’s often what works best.
@ TJ – I love the story you shared. It’s true that often the things that are most intimidating at first are those that bring us where we want to go.
@ Ken – I definitely agree that many people don’t ask themselves these questions. It’s tough, after all. I try to approach goals in a different way, as I find myself a bit averse to the strict connotations of goals — sometimes feels so constricting. But once you use an approach that works for you, it can become apparent how incredibly useful goals can be.
Finding this update in my inbox seems like perfect timing, as I landed back home in Chicago this morning, already going through ideas for the 15 day Creation Challenge (I caught on a bit late). The city that had felt suffocating and mundane before I left for Thailand suddenly became a beautiful muse once again. I wanted to hug the Nigerian cab driver who remembered dropping my mom and I off at the airport 2 years ago.
Anyways, very similar questions were spinning through my mind, and I just want to recommend to anyone who doesn’t have many intelligent, stimulating friends available (such as I) to give their local cab driver a chance. If you luck out, sometimes you get great advice, with humor, candor, and some tough love.
I am, however going to try a personal idea dump as suggested, and see how that works before I am up to the challenge of stage 4…
thanks again, zoe
Dear Zoe,
I understand so well what you are talking about. I have been in this process and make a lot of loops. Now I am pretty clear ( I think for now) who I am and how I want to live. I defined 6 values for my life that guide my daily actions as well as my goals for life:
- Relationships are the key to happiness
- Self-development is in each individual’s responsibility
- Helping others also helps yourself
- Diversity makes life more interesting
- We have to behave as one world
- Every person has a purpose in life
Do you want to ask me some questions to see if it is solid enough?
Nicolas
Nicolas | An Extra Hour Every Day´s last blog post..How to organize women’s cosmetics
Zoe, this is a great post. It’s both practical and inspiring. I’ve been playing around with the idea of being *less* intentional in my life — more flexible and open to the unexpected — but this is a perfect example of the kind of intentional living and thinking that’s really important and I’ve always naturally gravitated toward. I don’t want to lose sight of these conversations. Thanks!
Kristin T. (@kt_writes)´s last blog post..Becoming (slightly) more than a face in the crowd
I so have a problem with staying motivated – I think I might give this one a shot to see how it goes.
@ Mako – Cab driver — there’s a great example I failed to mention
. It’s a great feeling when a place regains that fresh feeling — it means you’re coming back at the right time.
@ Nicolas – Thank you for bringing up values. Though I didn’t specifically write about them much in this article, I think you’re right that understanding your own values naturally ties into this whole process. I’m curious where have these values brought you to at the moment — what are you spending your time doing?
@ Kristin – I am a strong believer that it is possible to balance both styles! I love staying open and flexible to possibilities, but find that also being highly aware of my own pulse is vital too. I guess you can say it’s about being intentional in the correct doses
.
@ Matthew – Nice — I’m always up for a chat if you need some questions thrown at you
.
I am probably the oldest person on this post. I know that in the past, I have been one of those people who has asked THE question to a wonderfully enthusiastic young person like Zoë. And so I feel like I have some sort of modest authority on this issue.
The important part is to know what is important to YOU (not merely to accept what others think is important to you) and move in a direction whereby you can live according to your priorities. To some, that may mean teaching, to others, inventing, to others, managing money. I know what’s right for me, and I try not to judge the others (although I do enjoy playing devil’s advocate!). But while you are moving in the direction of a type of life in which you can find meaning, be open to serendipity along the way. I know that the job I have now, which I think is the best job I could ever hope to have, came along quite by chance, without my planning or anything, when I was 41 years old. I hadn’t consciously “lined up my ducks,” but the direction I had been moving in for so many years made me a shoe-in for the job. In short, do what you love, don’t be so quick to trade in your values and goals for expediency, learn to live with less, and grab opportunities when they present themselves. And always remember what Picasso said: “Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.”
Laura,
There’s a pretty good age range here — you’re not as old as you make yourself out to be! You really are an example of the perfect job materializing as you follow the path that’s right for you… plus, your job is *perfect* for asking THE question to all those 21 year olds in stages of extreme transition
.
That’s a new Picasso quote for me — it’s going up on the board at my desk.