Sometimes walking away is the best thing you can do.
I’m not talking about giving up, though that’s a valid option in some cases. I’m talking about removing yourself from the situation at hand in order to gain a different perspective.
Over the last two weeks, I did no blogging, no creative writing, and no freelance writing work. To be honest, I didn’t plan it as a deliberate break from writing. My mom came all the way from the States to visit, and I worked very hard before her arrival to ensure that I could spend the full two weeks hanging out and catching up, with no worries about deadlines and obligations.
Before the two-week break, I was in a limbo sort of phase with both my creative writing and blogging. I was editing a couple stories to start submitting to literary journals, but I wasn’t writing any new stories. I was posting on my blog a couple times a week, but ironically, I felt sort of held back by an underlying desire to rejuvenate the blog.
My mom and I spent the second week of her visit in northern Vietnam. I expected to feel restless and maybe even a bit guilty at times, for not working on my fiction or posting on my blog. But then I began to think that taking a break might be a good thing. Not that I was working so tirelessly that I needed a break before risking collapse — but I was stuck in a weird place with my writing, a place that wasn’t giving me a clear view of new paths and other viewpoints.
Physically removing myself from my routine, in addition to mentally removing any feelings of obligation or guilt (guilt is generally an ugly and unnecessary emotion anyway) allowed a slew of new ideas to surface. These ideas gently emerged during those times I call between-moments. Showering, sitting on a bus, zoning out on an airplane, falling asleep. Many of us find that between-moments are often ripe with ideas. But it was especially because I didn’t feel obligated to think about my writing that all these writing ideas suddenly bubbled out.
One of the (many) side effects of being constantly immersed in information flows is that we can develop constant restlessness — a persistent feeling of urgency that makes us feel we should always be doing/reading/clicking something. Even when you’re clicking through mindlessly, it’s easy to convince yourself that you’re being more productive than someone who is on vacation or relaxing on the couch. But often we’re just kidding ourselves with that mindset.
Living in Southeast Asia, I’ve become much better at waiting. I’ve learned to marinate in that between-space. But I still have to remind myself sometimes that stepping away from my immediate context is often what brings me new ideas and a renewed desire to continue — that sometimes it’s OK to not do stuff.
When has walking away helped you move forward? Do you have a hard time removing yourself from your routine, or is it easy?
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I do have a hard time walking away from my routine. I make the decision to do something then I commit to it with routines. Walking away from that feels like I am letting go of my commitment. Typical perfectionist, right? But blogging is a good example of a place where I need to sometimes go on a break. When I moved away from daily posting to a less rigorous routine, I freed myself from the trap that I had to have something up on a prescribed day or else. Or else what? It allowed me time to write more from my heart. This happens in a lot of other parts of life, too. And it invites our eyes to see in contrast.
TJ Hirst´s last blog post..Cry, the Beloved Country Offers Unexpected Hope
I took a two week break about a month ago and returned feeling more vibrant, alive, and motivated than I had in a long while. Walking away can be wonderful, so long as your not afraid to turn around. Welcome back.
Writer Dad´s last blog post..Meet Cindy, My Wife
I find that I need to take a few days away at a hotel somewhere every few months and this invigorates me back to life. It’s never an overly expensive hotel, and it’s never more than a couple of hours drive away, but those few days away from “my life” mean that I return with fresh eyes. This post reminded me that I’m due for my little holiday again.
It’s good to see you posting again, but I’m also really glad you allowed yourself to have this break (and that you’re sharing what you learned with the rest of us).
I love this: “I was stuck in a weird place with my writing, a place that wasn’t giving me a clear view of new paths and other viewpoints. Physically removing myself from my routine, in addition to mentally removing any feelings of obligation or guilt…allowed a slew of new ideas to surface.”
The way you describe the “between moments” is spot-on. Thanks for reminding me about the wonderful harvest that comes from such moments, and for gently giving me “permission” to slow down my pace from time to time.
Kristin T. (@kt_writes)´s last blog post..The fine art of not making memories
I walked away from three stories and an article I was writing that didn’t seem to progress. Just put them down. Waited for a sign, and didn’t get one.
So I did something drastic.
At work, I did the unthinkable: requested a transfer to the graveyard shift.
It was a massive jolt to my physical system, as well as my creative juices. In a totally new context, I picked the pieces back up and found more inspiration than I thought was possible; entirely new perspectives, as well as the time to work on them (I have a very slow desk job). But I’ve also recognized the side-effects of working 11p-7a, so I’m also more apt to give myself a break and just vegetate for a night without pressuring myself to do, do, do.
Shattering my routine was the smartest thing I’ve done in a long, long time.
Ian´s last blog post..The Neon Zen of Cigarette Smoke
This may not exactly be what you’re looking for, but oh well:
I find it helpful to remove myself from my significant other every once in a while. Since moving in together, we are constantly together and in each other’s business — much different than before when we would see each other on the weekends (and I could just drive home if we got into a fight!). But now I’ve found that if I do feel an argument coming on, I can just -as politely as I allow myself- remove myself from our shared environment until I have calmed down and can look at the situation rationally. Yes, I learned this in 3rd grade conflict resolution, but it really does work. Sometimes I’ll just go into the other room and read for a bit or sometimes I’ll go for an hour’s drive to cool down. But I always come back ready to talk about the issue and problem solve — or even forget whatever meaningless issue we were going to fight over.
And on the writing front, I tell my students all the time to write something, leave it for an hour, a day, a week, and then return for revision. Perspective is never a bad thing.
Quite a few months ago I did the unthinkable; something that not even myself thought that I was ever capable of doing.
I gave up eating for a week. I know what you’re thinking, “Oh she’s annorexic!” That is not the case in my situation. After doing weeks of research on the art of fasting I decided that I wanted to give it a shot. I had read that fasting detoxifies the harmful toxins from your body, clears your skin, and repairs broken organ tissue. I was also hoping to knock off about 10 lbs before winter break, but besides the point, I knew I needed to try it.
I had kept a journal for myself, keeping track day by day of my progress (hunger level, symptoms etc.). Days 1 & 2, were tortuous. I felt as if my stomach was eating itself alive and my head was pounding; I had almost given up. Day 3 & 4 I noticed a striking difference. My hunger level had went down from a 10 to about a 5, only I was extremely tired. I started to look different as well, my face was getting thinner. Days 5 & 6 it started getting worse. I began to experience sharp pains in my body due to the lack of nutrients and I found my legs falling asleep at random moments of the day. I was scared and called many health hotlines, all telling me to go get vitamins which I happened to find in the back of my medicine cabinet.
Not eating throughout the day was a problem too. I am still in high school and I take a cooking course so I had to frequently feed my group excuses for why I didn’t want to eat what we had cooked (headache, stomachache, you name it, I said it). Refusing to eat dinner at home was also difficult. I either told my parents that I was just not hungry, or my other option was to take a nap during dinner time.
On day 7, my last day, I decided to walk to the local drug store to pick up a few things. While I was checking out, I picked up a candy bar and added it to my list of purchases. I decided that I would eat it after the fast as a reward which was probably the stupidest thing I could’ve ever done because I ate it on the walk home.
This experience made me a stronger person overall. I had never gotten such a powerful drive to do something like this before and it made me realize that I can do anything I want to do only with determination. Taking a break for eating was a wonderful experience, seeing as it is such a crucial part of my life and I never thought that it was possible to do so. Would I do it again? Of course I would, only I would be more prepared for it.
Sorry for writing a novel here, I got a little carried away. Love your blog; keep doing what you’re doing and breathe easy!
This seems like such a wonderful time in your life, Zoe. How wonderful to be on another continent with your mother. She’s lucky to have a daughter who thinks she is important enough to clear a calendar for so long. Aside from all that personal ramble, the post is excellent – as always.
jen´s last blog post..Spring in Oklahoma City
My stepping back is never lengthy, but rather in small increments, taken as I feel I need them. Be it a nature break, to read,or covort on the net. I allow myself these times, guilt free, so that I am motivated to do what is required of me other wise.
great post! i agree that sometimes you get too involved in just “doing stuff” that you’re actually not doing anything! the whole “clicking away” mindless is true. i’ve been reading tons of blogs and not discerning between them and i realize that my mind goes into this mode very similar to “channel surfing” and that’s not a good thing! lately i’ve realize that it’s not enough to just consume information, but i also need that quiet time to reflect, analyze, and synthesize the info or else it won’t be secured in my memory anyway. can’t wait to take a break!
You’ve got to take a vacation, a mental break from your routing to spur your creativity. I don’t really think of it as walking away, but I try to do something different every single day!
@MattWilsontv´s last blog post..Your the CEO of Your Life – Develop the Hidden Leader Within You
I am glad you took a break and had a wonderful time. But I am also glad to see you haven’t given it up for good. I like your writing whether it comes once a day or once a month, so let the pressure and guilt go. We’ll still be here.
For me it is a natural thing that seems to happen in the Spring and Fall. I just have the urge to change pace and pattern. The weather is not too chilly nor too hot and I start feeling trapped or bored with everyday pursuits. There is just something about those time of year that make me feel reflective and dreamy about possibilities at the same time. To take a while to honor the journey of those thoughts/moments in life keep me real, feeling alive, and help me to grow.
Laurel Plum´s last blog post..The Catherine Holman Folk Art Winner
@ TJ – “Or else what?” is exactly what I thought too. I heartily agree that in many cases, routine is enormously helpful in actually creating things and starting new habits or projects. But like you said, sometimes it pays to give breathing room.
@ Writer Dad – That’s an important point too — that we have to be unafraid to turn back around and start again. That’s key to the whole rejuvenation part
.
@ Lynda – I like the sound of your ritual
. It also shows that this “walking away” can be anything — going to Vietnam, going to a hotel a couple hours away, or maybe even walking away in your own home.
@ Kristin – I need those reminders all the time too! It really does come down to giving yourself “permission” — which, to me, leads to the very important point of consciously choosing what you do and when you do it.
@ Ian – Wow, that’s an awesome example! I’m really glad to hear that it worked so well for you. Changing when you work, as opposed to just where or if you work, is a really effective alternative way of changing your context.
Caren, you know I’m always happy to see a new thread in any conversation! I think our living situations strongly affect our streams of thought and what we do — it’s so easy to get stuck in one line of thought, even though simply driving away or walking down the street could flip it.
Also, your writing advice to your students holds true for homework as well as for late-night/drunken e-mails + Facebook messages
— you’re teaching them real life skills!
@ Nameless – Fasting definitely takes a lot of discipline — I’ve never tried it, though. I think its history as a key part of spiritual practices points to the discipline and mindfulness required, though I’m not at all qualified to talk about whether it’s helpful or harmful to health. That said, fasting is certainly a sharp example of changing a deeply ingrained part of our routines.
@ Jen – Honestly, I feel really lucky to have the vibrant and intelligent mama that I have! I do feel like I’m in a really good place
. It’s great to see you here.
@ Trina – So true. The walking away can be as small as walking to the park. As you point out, I think allowing ourselves to walk away with conscious decisions is the most important part.
@ Pylin – Comparing the clicking around to channel surfing is — unfortunately — really accurate at times! The more we’re constantly facing this flood of information, the more I think it’s really important that we make deliberate choices of what to ingest.
@ MattWilsontv – “Walking away” does sound like it has a negative connotation — but I like trying to give a new perspective on those kinds of phrases
.
@ Laurel Plum – Hi! Thanks so much for your kind words. It’s something that really helps to hear sometimes. The funny thing is that I’m getting just those feelings you’ve described, but my “spring” in Thailand is actually the hot season, a few weeks away from the rainy season! Not at all what I was used to in NY. Nevertheless, the feelings of spring — of transition — are in full force
.
I’ve heard of a technique where you purposely do things differently when you start your day in order to tell your mind, “OK today we’re going to think differently.” Little things like using your opposite hand when brushing your teeth or walking backwards through the house. Just by changing our physical activities up we convince our brain to think about things in a different direction. It’s kind of the same idea as altering your routine, at least as far as the results are concerned.
Wendy Edsall-Kerwin´s last blog post..Just a Quick Heads Up…
Wendy, that’s a cool idea to test out. It’s funny how even tiny triggers can be so automatic and deeply ingrained. I’ll try out some of these suggestions tomorrow morning!
You’ve touched upon a subject that has been on my mind lately, in regards to one of my other projects. I’ve asked myself this question over and over, but as yet, don’t have an answer.
I think I need more time.
LisaNewton´s last blog post..A Boy and a Wave
How pleased I am to have contributed to your marinating process… Not only did I help stimulate your creativity by taking you away to Hanoi for a week, but I –selfishly — had a fantstic time with my daughter, as well! And my travels in SE Asia allowed ME to step away from my quotidian life and responsiblities in order to take a break and reflect on my own bigger picture. A mutual gift. I love you, Mama.
When I take a nap or break from a project, my ideas flow effortlessly.
Omar´s last blog post..A Plan B?
@ LisaNewton – Is it a project that you might need a break from? It’s funny how sometimes we need some space to be able to consider giving ourselves some *big* space…
- Well hello, Mama Lisa! It’s true that the trip to SE Asia was an even bigger step back for you, and I love that it was so valuable and wonderful in many ways. Also, who could ignore the thrill of barreling through the crazy Hanoi traffic?? <3
@ Omar – Yes, naps really are a good thing!
With the myriad of new blog posts constantly being published and their crafty titles – they begin to give you the sense that if you miss reading just one, your blogging career is going down the tube.
But really it isn’t. You miss the vast majority of these “must read” articles anyways.
They don’t really change anything. Only we, the author, does that.
Moreover, let’s face it, blogging is a lot of hard work. Crafting articles takes time and energy. A break is often in order. Particularly for single author blogs.
Bamboo Forest – PunIntended´s last blog post..How to Know if You’re an Enlightened Being
@ Bamboo Forest – So true. I really think one of the most important skills for us to develop now is the ability to filter.
The consumption/creation balance is important too — I know things are off when I’m consuming more writing than I’m creating.
You’re right about feeling guilty. I took half a day off yesterday and couldn’t shake being bored and feeling guilty. I’m so used to constantly working on my cartoons and other videos, that I don’t know what to do anymore on the odd occasion I have free time. Good blog.
@ Paul – I know, it’s such a strange thing to realize. I really do think it’s good for us to take steps back once in a while, even though it feels wrong at the start…