photo by caspermoller
When I first moved to Thailand, I was visiting my dad in Bangkok and we went to the weekend market. As we walked along the stalls on the outskirts of the market, my father was distracted by my scintillating conversation skills and walked straight into a baby elephant’s bum. I was startled, and of course amused. This certainly had never happened to me in New York.
But now, I’m not startled or amused when I see elephants on the street in Bangkok, or in Chiang Mai, where I live. I’m used to it, and it’s sad. City life is not for elephants.
Then, last week, my boyfriend and I were driving through a Thai national park at night. The bus ahead of us chugged along at a maddeningly slow pace, then came to a full stop. We edged our car around the bus, trying to see what the holdup was, and we were startled and delighted to see a baby elephant slowly crossing the street. We were even further tickled when we saw the mama elephant waiting patiently on the other side of the road.
Why startled? Shouldn’t I be used to elephants by now?
Ironically, and sadly, I had become used to elephants in the city. But elephants in the wild was heartening and unexpected.
Adaptable Creatures
Why am I telling you this? Because the whole scenario made me think about what we get used to.
Human beings are adaptable creatures. I’m sure you’ve heard some version of this before. Overall, we adjust well to new conditions. But what happens when we adjust too well?
Here enters one of my dreaded words: complacency.
Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines complacency as: self-satisfaction, especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies.
When we stop changing, moving, seeking, and adapting, we risk falling into the lull of complacency. We get used to what we have and start to forget about the unappealing things that sneaked in and now sit in our laps. OK, small disclaimer: I realize I recently wrote a post about appreciating what is right in your life. But read that post carefully, and you’ll see I point out that striving for change and appreciating the good things in your life are not mutually exclusive. A strong balance of the two is ideal.
Sometimes, we get used to good things. Maybe you get used to going for a run every morning, or you get used to trying a new recipe every Thursday. But other times, we get used to things that aren’t so great. Often, it feels like you “fell” into a situation, or it “just kinda happened.” Maybe you have a client who pays really well, so you got used to the work and were slow to notice that the assignments were increasingly boring. Or maybe that project you started a few months ago isn’t actually going in the direction you originally hoped for, but you’ve already gained so much momentum, so why bother starting over? You get used to it. And the thing is, you may not even realize it.
What I’ve Gotten Used To
The baby elephant situation pushed me to think about the things that are lurking around in my mind — the things that haven’t yet received proper attention. What have I gotten used to?
I got used to writing fiction every day, then I got used to sometimes writing and sometimes editing my work, and then I got used to not having a routine at all, which means sometimes not creating at all. I got used to something good, then let it slip into something unchallenging.
I got used to marketing my freelance writing and editing, and I was excited that I actually got the hang of it. Then I got used to the whole process, and I got used to acting like my business was just a job I was given, not a career I can control.
I got used to Entourage checking for e-mail every two minutes, and then I got used to constantly reading e-mails. I’ve spoken here about the distractions of technology and how multitasking is unproductive.
I’m getting back into my writing routine, starting with this morning. Back on track with my minimum 750 words per day. I’ve also been doing a lot of reassessment of my freelance business and this blog — you’ll get those juicy details in another blog post. And I’ve turned off the auto-checker on Entourage, so I can check mail when I am not in the middle of doing something else.
I’m curious. What have you gotten used to? Good things? Not-so-good things?
Add your comments below, or click the title of this post if no comment form is visible!
If you enjoy this blog, I invite you to subscribe by e-mail or by RSS reader (links are near the top of the sidebar).
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
There is going to be a special documentary on CNN that will include the plight of elephants in Africa. It’s airing in December:
http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2008/planet.in.peril/
I have Entourage set to check every 15 minutes
Right now I’m complacent about a lot of things, but I go in circles – for a few months I get enthusiastic, then for a few months I’ll have gotten used to something. I do find that I need to mix things up every so often to keep it fresh, especially with freelancing.
Hey Melissa,
Thanks for that link!
I think the fluctuations you’re talking about are normal — maybe even necessary to make sure we’re making the changes we want. I suppose if we didn’t give ourselves any time at all to adapt, we’d have no time to absorb.
Hi Zoe,
Glad to read another fellow writer expat.
I was once struck by a friend’s comment who told me, “Once I get too comfortable in my zone, I know it’s time to shake up my world.” His words have lived with me since.
I always encourage people to get out of their own comfort zones (sometimes I have to remind myself of that too!). It’s a way of not taking your life for granted because once your butt gets too comfortable in that chair, you start to feel safe and secure and bored. Life is not as exciting as you thought it would be. You drop your defenses. You won’t open yourself up to a whole new world of opportunities out there. Nor experience living as if every moment counts.
Here’s one thing I’m scared that I’ve gotten too secure with:
1. My day job. I’ve worked abroad in China for two years now. A few months ago, I swear I would stay for only 6 more months then move to another country. Shake my world a bit. Now as I’ve settled into the rhythm of work, I realized I’m talking myself into staying a bit more longer because I’m terrified of moving, of adjusting again, of making new connections, of thrusting myself into unknown territory (but that’s what makes life exciting, isn’t it?). I’ve gotten too comfortable on the couch.
Those elephants were a real shocker to me when I first visited Bangkok. Elephants in the city! Not to mention those titillating dancers in Patpong.
Can’t wait to hear your reassessment. I’m going through the same phase as well but unlike you, I’m a total newbie to the writing world.
Kate,
Thanks for adding your insight to my blog. Couldn’t have said it better myself! Leaving the comfort zone is what makes life interesting, what keeps up our momentum.
But of course it can be hard to keep up with constant motion. Though moving to another country is incredibly exciting, it also means you’re starting over. Completely. That’s what gives us the rush, but it’s also the scary part!
Any idea where you want to go, by the way?
Keep in touch.
It’s quite true about keeping up with constant motion. You do also want to settle and be comfortable for some time but not too long that you discover yourself getting stagnant.
Starting over is usually scary. But it also means you have the chance to reinvent yourself, start new ties, new habits, new everything. A complete rebirth to continue the cycle of life. If you’ve got any negative habits or things that have been holding you back, moving to a whole new place gives you the chance to start over and sever those bad connections immediately.
I’d really love to go to Japan. Somewhere in South America would be my second choice. China was great because it allowed me to rediscover part of my roots (sort of, it’s completely different from what I envisioned) and IT IS a completely different planet.
Do you plan to stay in Thailand for a long time?
to me this post dovetails nicely into your taking a plunge post. i have gotten used to just life. i am too much a passenger, i need to be more active, meet people and do stuff. all of which is not something that i force myself to do, simply because i am comfortable, complacent. i love being a full time dad days and working part time nights. well the dad part i love. but i need to be more. i need to make things happen. new years is coming up, perhaps i smell a resolution.
PG´s last blog post..Assorted Housekeeping Stuff
Hello,
Just in from Chuck Westbrook’s experiment, as I’m sure many others are.
This was a post that resonated with me, as I wrote about a very similar topic — today. I’ll post a link here, though it may not be live when you check it. It’s getting published in a few hours:
http://ourbestversion.com/2008/11/fear-of-success-why-and-how-to-beat-it
Basically, I think many of us get used to not being a success. Whatever that means. For many of us, it means having a job that is really not our “calling.” For many of us, it means not having a relationship that really works. We get used to it, and when we occasionally stumble upon moments when we do succeed, we go “what’s wrong with this picture?”
And that contributes to our fear of success.
ari
Ari Koinuma´s last blog post..Why Passion Can Feel Like a Burden
I actually think a lot about this. After a bad divorce (oxymoron) 10 years ago, I realized so many things I had becomes used to – having someone to go to church with, and being assured there would always be an arm around me while I was sitting in the pew. After feeling alone most of my life all that stopped at 20, when I met him. At 31, I had to make the painful discovery of what Friday night looked like and sounded like and tasted like without a husband. I had to rediscover the sound of the house while I bathed or showered while home alone, and the worst, waking up in the middle of the night and seeing that half the bed was empty and the covers and pillow undisturbed. I’ve been remarried for over five years. Unfortunatley, I’ve gotten used to everything all over again, and hair in the shower still bothers me. But, occassionally, I do remember what it’s like when the last of it has gone down the drain. Pretty much, well, forever. So, I try to be less used to my second husband all the time, but it’s hard, you know.
JenX67´s last blog post..Halloween Costume Parade
That’s beautiful, Jen.
Chuck W´s last blog post..We Have Our First Contestant
Jen,
You really grasped this idea and took it to a deeper level. I think so many people can relate to the emotions you described…and you described them so poignantly.
Thanks for being so open with all of us.
Thanks for this post. Sometimes we need to be startled out of the rut we’ve worn down for ourselves, even if it takes an elephant stepping across the rut to do it.
Note to self: look up sometimes, to see the sky – and remember to navigate by the stars, not by the rut.
Lucy´s last blog post..Raising the Importance of Brand to Corporate Executives
Hello Zoe … I also feel sometimes the reverse is true. Sometimes I feel that we just achieve a degree of ‘calm’ or ‘consistency’ and then we mix it up again, make some choices and bang ! are affronted with a whole new set of dynamics.
During which we sometimes lose the good of the last enviroment along with the bad.
I am three days into self actualised unemployment – there were 101 reasons that led up to the choice – but it was my choice to quit a lousy job and regain some ground at home. I am now practising the art of ‘sitting still’ long enough to catch my breath and regroup – a worthy talent to have I am thinking …. my best to you and hello to darling JenX67 – go check out her stuff Zoe – she is an amazing writer too – le xox
Le @ third on the right and cold peas´s last blog post..Tee for Tuesday – GenX for JenX
Me again Zoe – I have written a wee blub re you and this post back at the third … I only have a small yet dedicated readership of US and Aussie girls and one lone US guy … but they are a fun mob and rather adverturous so I am quite sure they would enjoy reading this – cheers for now le
http://www.thirdontheright.com/2008/11/chuck-lurve-first-cab-off-rank-stage.html
Le @ third on the right and cold peas´s last blog post..Tee for Tuesday – GenX for JenX
@ Lucy – Great way to put it. I went through a phase as a kid when I traveled only by cartwheel. No walking for me, only cartwheels. That’s certainly one way to look up, down, all around…!
@ Le – Very true. Any big change will leave some good things behind. Ideally, you leave behind more bad things than good. I love changing things around because I fear stagnancy, but like you imply, changes should be backed by honest motivation.
Oh, and I did check out JenX67′s blog — I love the vibrant photos, and the writing is lovely and simple!
@ Le again – That second comment got held in the spam queue, sorry about the delayed response. Thanks so much for introducing me to your crowd! I’m honored by your sweet blurb : )
{ 3 trackbacks }