Sometimes simple questions are most effective at unraveling spools of thought.
When Reese asked the following question on Twitter, it ignited some ideas that had been quietly sitting at the bottom of my mind.
How often do you choose comfortable & familiar over remarkable & life-changing? What about when prior remarkable becomes comfortable?
I often make it a point to choose unconventional paths that test my limits in some way. In the words of my about page:
People aside, there are two loves in my life to which my devotion has been consistent: words and uncharted territory…
Though the implications of “uncharted territory” seem quite grand, I simply mean those areas outside my experience. I am willfully drawn to boundaries, if only for the chance to push them. This drive translates into a desire to travel and to transform the distant into the familiar.
But going along with Reese’s question, what happens when the once-distant does become familiar? Take my life in Thailand, for example. Before moving to Thailand, I had never even been to Asia. The transition inevitably came with torrents of novelty to explore, whether it was northern Thai foods, Buddhist ceremonies, or drinking styles. Two years later, it’s quite amazing to remember some of the things that once shocked and amused me, and now seem so commonplace. Once that familiarity begins to set in, so does a degree of restlessness. I crave the uncertainty of new experiences, and the way they tickle the boundaries of what we believe.
Yet the uncertainty and the novelty are also intimidating, and questions like these make me realize that I progress in waves. Moving to Thailand on my own and beginning to work independently involved a long (and ongoing!) learning and changing process. Once I started to feel comfortable, I though I should cut myself a bit of a break before pushing my limits again; but that mindset never felt quite right, and I started to wonder if I was settling into boring familiarity by remaining in Thailand. I started scheming new places to go, convinced this was the necessary next step.
And then I stopped. The more I pondered and planned, the more I realized it was no “solution” to go somewhere simply for the sake of going somewhere else. It was doing something new — not going somewhere new — that I truly craved.
The realization itself was quite invigorating, and I began pushing myself to work harder in current projects and endeavors (this blog included). That extra push of doing stuff plunged me forward through a handful of new doors, and I found the novelty and limits-testing I’d been itching for in new projects, instead of new places. A couple of the projects were locally based — for a change from my normal tele-commute style — and this actually unveiled a whole new face of my life in Thailand.
The time to change places will come (and these six weeks of traveling are offering me plenty of place-changing!), but sometimes I have to remind myself that the more obvious changes — like moving to a new country — don’t automatically satisfy as deeply.
So… How often do you choose comfortable & familiar over remarkable & life-changing? What about when prior remarkable becomes comfortable?
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Gould suggests that evolution is driven by cataclysmic events, http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0393303756/, Go’d shaking things up. Makes sense that Life moves in stages, especially when the habit is to make dramatic leaps that require lengthy assimilation. More visible, recountable.
Frankly, I think Life at all is remarkable. Perfect in every moment. So to discriminate between remarkable and comfortable to me seems a fruitless discussion of semantics and perception. Every moment is life changing. In fact, I’ve come to think there is no such thing as change, as every moment is new. But again, semantics.
As far as comfort. You take comfort in remarkable. Plain and simple. The quote seems to give comfort a connotation of boring, stale, repetitive, and familiar means “it’s been done”. I’d say, as every moment is new, it’s never been done, this time. This time. This time. This time.
Peace.
@vinylart
.-= Daniel Edlen´s last blog ..Led Zeppelin Vinyl Art Timelapse =-.
Great post. I, too, am always on the lookout for new and exciting things (or just new things), and can identify with that restlessness. I’m currently trying to embrace the idea of slow travel, mostly because I’m mentally and physically fried from months of country-hopping.
.-= Liz @ ExtremeTelecommute´s last blog ..Putting Travel on Pause: Why Staying in one Place Can be a Good (or Great) Thing =-.
Zoë, I loved reading your response to this! Much of what you wrote here is similar to my experience, and what prompted me to tweet about it.
A few years ago, if you would have told me I’d be living abroad, doing my own thing, ignoring most of the media, and forgoing a white picket fence life for the life I lead now, I would have said “get out!”
Then I went through this wild, huge life change…and for a while it felt so big and remarkable. The remarkable then became the ‘norm.’ Sometimes I try to see my location through my family’s eyes, and I remember how big a change I made.
Sometimes we need to step back and see ourselves from a distanced perspective to appreciate the remarkable things we’ve already done.
You nailed it when you said we don’t need to necessarily move or GO to keep experiencing the remarkable in life. And I really identified with this feeling of the honeymoon being over…so now what? It’s lead me lately to dig deep and start deciding what really matters to me. What stirs my soul? Is there a way I can make a profound difference in this world?
What you’re doing, and the way you’re changing the world is remarkable and inspiring.
Hey you, it’s been awhile.
I’m always discovering new things in Guelph…even when I get bored, I know there’s still something out there for me to see (even though I’m sure it’s not nearly as interesting as Thailand could be).
Since I’ve gotten sick of writing how I used to, it’s been a struggle trying to figure out what else could invigorate me the way that did…hopefully I find it soon.
.-= Matthew Dryden´s last blog ..Our Little Secret =-.
Hi, the shame of it is that we routinely select comfortable and familiar. So often we live by routine – it cuts out the need for a conscious decision. We tend to awaken at the same time, get dressed in the same way, go to work by the same routes, eat at broadly similar times, etc.
Even when the opportunity presents itself, we do not opt for better; we opt for quick, for easy, for familiar. It’s so much less bother – bit.ly/qtsDt
But occsionally, just occasionally, we do make that leap! And wonder why we never made it previously! Thank goodness that such chances exist in the world and can be taken by the adventurous and the brave.
Your question, “when does the remarkable become familiar?” really answers itself.
Things are remarkable, when we feel the need to remark on them – either to ourselves or to others.
When we cease to remark on them then, by definition, they have become unremarkable – familiar. It would be unusual, if not disturbing, for a husband to awake and say to his wife, “Hello, what are you doing here?” However, for him to say how much he appreciates having her with him every day – that shows he still finds it remarkable and worthy of genuine gratitude.
Yep. There is a home run.
In college I used to change the room around about every two months . . . just to invigorate studying. And that silly little activity worked.
One of my favorite exercises is to sit still for five minutes and try to identify all of the sounds that one can hear – that heretofore the brain is filtering. Makes me remember how much there is around (all of the time) that is new and unexplored.
.-= Dave Thurston´s last blog ..Red&Gray – A Getaway =-.
I’ve just been through this realization myself! After traveling for a year, I came back home and to my old job in January. This whole time, I’ve been thinking I’m unhappy because I want to go again, live somewhere else. But when the time came to do something for my holiday, I chose to stay home and take a crafts course (a staycation, they’re calling it). I surprised myself, but then I realize that what I need is a change (possibly a new job, a new hobbie…) and not to completely change my life.
I’ve always known that from time to time, I need to step out of the familiar, but I’m only just realizing, that I may not need to take drastic action every time.
.-= B´s last blog ..disco underworld & me =-.
@ Daniel – I love everything you wrote. It’s a fantastic way to see the world, and one that I sometimes forget or neglect. Traveling these past few weeks has definitely revived that perspective in me, though, especially when I am struck by how wonderful things are that I once was “used to.” Thank you for your words, they’re an important reminder.
@ Liz – Slow travel… mm, I find it delicious
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@ Reese – Thank *you* for inspiring this whole post! I think asking the right questions is half the difficulty, so it’s amazing when someone else is asking those questions
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@ Matthew – Sometimes I feel like the only way to ‘revive’ my writing is to shift my mindset toward my writing. Reminding myself that the blog isn’t a chore, for example, or thinking of how I can use my writing to explore a separate interest…
@ Paul – It’s funny how we so often hesitate to make those “leaps”, and then every time we wonder why we hesitated… such is our nature
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@ Dave – Love that simple little exercise. I’m going to try that out.
@ B – How cool… that’s a lovely example. Hope it’s unfolding wonderfully for you!
Zoe, thanks for posting this. I’m by nature a restless soul, and though I struggle with many of the difficulties of daily life here, I have to some extent found that what was once momentous (re-locating to Koh Phangan) is now routine. And then I start casting around for a new location, change of scene, just like you. What I’m realising this time is, this is it for me for a long time, commitments I have made here mean I will not be changing scene anytime soon so I am working on getting enthused for new things. Usually if I’m learning I am finding that growth and that interest. All the best.
.-= Natalie Revie´s last blog ..High Speed Trains Crash Faster =-.
@ Natalie – Really great to hear the perspective of someone living in another part of Thailand
. I’ve been to Koh Phangan and found it wonderful, by the way! I’ve just read through some of your blog posts and loved reading about your life down there. I’m sure you’ll have no trouble finding novelty to infuse in your life…