photo by Norman B. Leventhal Map Center
As I began writing this post, I realized it was going to be a lot longer than I had planned. I also realized that the one-year anniversary of my blog falls on Sunday, June 28th. So I’m publishing this long, personal post today because I am in reflective mode, musing on the changes and evolutions of the past year. I hope it feels right for those of you who take the time to read through it.
When people learn that I came to Thailand on my own, started doing independent work, and figured out how to support myself and do stuff I love, they often think it’s pretty wonderful. Reactions range from “Cool, me too!” to “I wish I could” to “Wow, what’s it like?” But for all the people who are completely supportive, there are plenty of people who just don’t get it. People who think I came to Thailand to escape “real life,” that I’m just roaming aimlessly through Southeast Asia, or that I’m not being realistic. They’re waiting for me to get a real job, to get started on real life, and to stop thinking life’s so damn amazing.
Honestly, I have a bone to pick with anyone who has this perfect vision of what is real and what is not. There are plenty of philosophical discussions to be had on this topic, and I’m open to learning much more, but my life experience so far has led me to believe that human experience isn’t necessarily limited to a single reality — we create, inherit, and explore realities, because our realities are simply our ways of experiencing the world. We humans just can’t escape the fact that everything we know, see, hear, and think is inescapably shaped by our perception. We are always subjective, and that can be an incredible thing. Homogeneity gets pretty boring.
This concept of accepting different realities has been highlighted and cemented in my mind by travel and living abroad. When I moved to Thailand almost two years ago, it was my first time in Asia. Although I had always considered myself to be a very open, reasonably well-traveled person, I came face to face with fundamental things that were completely different here — different to an extent I had not yet encountered. See, there are certain things — like societal values, what is logical, what is beautiful — that are so deeply ingrained in our systems, that we don’t even think to question their universality. They’re invisible, pervasive assumptions. It’s shocking, in a magnificent way, to run head-on into the realization that these things are just part of your reality, not everybody’s reality. What I have always thought to be logical may be absurd to someone in a different reality; this doesn’t mean that their reality is silly or irrational — it’s simply different.
These types of observations fascinate me. I love trying to understand how we create contexts, how we escape contexts, and how social constructions come to be. So I ended up unconsciously deciding to do such an experiment with my own life. This experiment has influenced my physical space (living and traveling far from where I grew up), my mental space (absorbing the possibilities presented by the various cultures I encounter), and my professional space (mobile, independent, unconventional). Aside from travel and living abroad, technology has also played a key role in this experiment. Technology has enabled me to work independently, to connect and collaborate with people who have complementary aspirations, and to create my own platform. In fact, technology has so blurred the lines between my “professional” and “passionate” work, that using the word “professional” feels inadequate. So although I didn’t set out with the purpose of creating my own reality, that’s what I’m doing. It’s not that I’m especially bold or especially capable, but rather that this is the way that seems most interesting and fulfilling to me. It’s scary sometimes, but it’s more often invigorating and motivating.
This also doesn’t mean that I reject anything viewed as “conventional.” Take school, for example. I think unconventional education — such as experiential learning and immersion — is truly important and beneficial, but I also love being a student in a classroom. I’m in the process of deciding on MA programs to apply to, because it feels like the right time and it fits with the next steps I want to take. When I graduated university in 2007, I considered going straight into a PhD program — I can’t tell you how happy I am that I waited. In the space of two years, my interests and passions have unfolded, converged, and clarified so that I now have a more solid — but ever-evolving — view of where I want to go. Instead of going back to school because it felt like the obvious next step or because I was scared to leave academia, I will now go back to school because it can enhance my new directions. It’s felt a bit like a domino effect; as I tap into one nerve, someone taps into a new one, and a new direction is unveiled. The people I’ve met in Thailand, the people I’ve met through blogging and social media, and the experiences I’ve lived in recent years have all allowed this new momentum to gain a foothold inside me. Importantly, it’s also given me the confidence to continue living life in perpetual beta, as Melissa Pierce so aptly coined the phrase.
I believe that living life in perpetual beta means being constantly open to new possibilities as you create your path. Although I didn’t make a calculated decision to design such a lifestyle, I think it’s quite fitting to the current climate. Technology — and I’m particularly thinking about the internet here — is pushing us hard and fast into a world that we do not know. We’re rapidly shedding old conventions without having new ones to put into their place. How can we proceed if we’re not flexible, open, and willing to take risks? I don’t believe we can. We have a lot of mistakes to get through before we gain a stronger sense of the spaces we’re entering, but we won’t hit the sweet spots unless we’re committed to creating and trying new solutions. These great shifts have been most obvious to me in journalism, business, and various media, but the edges aren’t defined and many of us are feeling the tugs of inevitable change. I wrote a post a few months ago about Sir Ken Robinson’s TED talk on schools and creativity, in which he points out that we’re educating our kids for a world that we have no clue about — a reality that is still unformed. Creativity is paramount, which means the willingness to take risks is too.
A couple months ago, I took a small slip of paper and made a note for myself: When you draw your own map, you make your own rules. I don’t know if I got that from someone else (please let me know if I did), but it resonates strongly with me. It acknowledges that we are still drawing the maps, and so the rules aren’t set. It empowers us to draw that next line, even if it’s not quite straight and even if we end up drawing over it next year. But I don’t think it should be interpreted as individualism at the expense of collaboration — rather, I believe that if we all actively move forward while being honest to ourselves and deliberate in our actions, collaboration will be genuine and inevitable. For example, I’m writing this long blog post filled with I’s and me’s, but my hope is that it will tug a thread inside you, pull forward any of you who are pushing forward with this same momentum.
My life isn’t a perpetual blissfest. My income isn’t always stable. Getting in touch with what I really want to do took some time and some intimidating soul-searching — and I don’t really think I’ll ever stop figuring it out. But you know what? I honestly can’t remember what it feels like to be bored. I’m so high on exploring and pursuing possibilities that boredom doesn’t feel like an option. I love every single project I’m working on right now, and it feels like an honor — though not easy — to get to work each day. I choose to embrace change and uncertainty, because I don’t think any of us can rely on certainty anymore. If realistic means sticking to the conventions that are quickly falling into irrelevance, then I choose to be unrealistic.
What map are you following?
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Wow.
Wow again.
First, I love reading your story. Having friends that have, on the surface, done similar things as your self, I can see how one might judge your life to be off track or wondering. Some of those people I know, however, have gone off “in search of themselves” only to live life devoid of service to others, filled with rank promiscuity and video games. I’m oversimplifying, but that’s an illustration of the stereotype. We don’t all have the drive, understanding, or self-discipline to create success outside the protection of the norms and expectations with which we grew up. And that’s perfectly fine. For those so gifted to explore, however, it’s inspiring to read their story.
I’m constantly wondering what ideas that are now going out of style should be going out of style. Some are good and useful and would continue to be, while other ideas are best forgotten immediately. It is hard to judge. Which conventions to keep–which will serve me well–and which should I get rid of? Are certain conventions no longer relevant because of our ignorance, or because they really don’t serve to enlighten the human race? An example I’ve thought a lot about is the idea of traditional family. To me it is a cornerstone of society and serves everyones best interest, yet it is being challenged on multiple fronts from people I would otherwise respect. In short, at what expense are we phasing out ideas and conventions, and are we doing it based solely on an immediate and selfish need?
I also wonder if there are enough strong voices like your own that are capable of exploring new contexts and weaving them into the worthy contexts of the past while preparing us for the unknown contexts of the future. And when I say ‘capable’ I mean a lot more–I mean to describe individuals gifted with certain talents (confidence and perspective not being the smallest), who have experienced for the rest of us those things which can bring greater understanding of purpose. I think those individuals are more rare than even they know.
Your mention of drawing your own map reminded me of a poem I just read called The Map, by Elizabeth Bishop. (Maybe you’ll read it in whichever MA program you choose.) It describes a map in the context of a life (I think), where each line is an interpretation of differing perspectives. I think the last 4 lines are particularly insightful:
Are they assigned, or can the countries pick their colors?
-What suits the character or the native waters best.
Topography displays no favorites; North’s as near as West.
More delicate than the historians’ are the map-makers’ colors.
(Here’s the link to the whole poem.) I love the idea of the map-makers delicate colors, and the interpretation involved in coloring and understanding our own
For me, some things are certain. I need a Polaris in my life–it gives my actions meaning beyond my own fabrication. And so I’ve painted a north star on my map, and to many that is unrealistic. Alternate realities, right? Most days I’m happy I have any map at all.
WOW! Powerful post (found via Twitter btw). Have you read The Art of Possibility by the Zanders? YOU MUST HAVE. If not, you won’t learn anything new but will be reaffirmed. Here is a quote:
“In the [familiar] measurement world, you set a goal and strive for it. In the universe of possibility, you set the context and let life unfold.” -R.S. and B. Zander, The Art of Possibility
I haven’t had time yet to fully peruse the blog. If it isn’t there, I’d love to read more tips on relocating to such an exotic location (what did you take? how did you find a place to live? how do you meet people? are you on a temp Visa, etc.). In fact, me thinks there is a book there…
Good luck!
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Loveliness =-.
This piece is great. But what really struck me is your last paragraph – namely “I’m so high on exploring and pursuing possibilities that boredom doesn’t feel like an option. I love every single project I’m working on right now, and it feels like an honor..”
Doing work for others is an honor. Fantastic. Imagine if everyone felt this way about what they do in all aspects of their lives. As I embark on the next chapter of my life, the concept of honor and the chance of exploring new ideas and possibilities resonates with me and are concepts I can never forget. Maybe that is the compass to my map.
Pulled forward I am!
Too swamped right now to elaborate, but in this very moment I love you. THANKS!
The funny thing is that if we’re not passionate about what we’re doing professionally, we probably won’t be great at it. Surely we can be good enough to be a success, but perhaps not as a great a success as we could be doing something else. I often use my own mantra to help me make decisions, “Is this how I want to be remembered?
I idea of living in perpetual beta is something that struck me; the greatest hindrance to moving forward is often indecision caused by an inability to predict our future perfectly (the full, long-term benefits and costs from our decisions). We often subscribe to this fallacy that all we have to do is decide what we should be doing, and then do it; I believe that we can only find what we should be doing by simply doing it, by testing and stepping into our decisions. Perfection is overrated
.-= Taylor Davidson´s last blog ..Embracing the lure of travel (and hullo, London). =-.
Lovely writing, Zoë. Happy blogiversary.
One line of your essay struck me: “We’re rapidly shedding old conventions without having new ones to put into their place.” In my opinion, the difference is more vast – we’re shedding old conventions for a world in which conventions are useless – the pace of change is such that a convention is out of date the moment it is formed.
.-= ejly´s last blog ..Digital TV converter box? No thanks. =-.
I think it’s incredibly admirable to do what you’ve done, and if it works, then stick with it. We shouldn’t continue to do things just because that’s the way things have always been done – yes, that’s a safe way to do things, and it can provide a feeling of security and stability, but it also blocks off so many potential avenues that might lead to better, faster, or more imaginative solutions. If no one had ever taken a risk, we’d still be living in caves.
Thank goodness I read this now, moments after getting another agent rejection. Your words have put up an umbrella over my head, letting me watch the rain around me whilst not getting wet.
And thank goodness for people like you – you enable people like me to a) see that these unconventional dreams are not crazy and b) give us someone to point at when assailed by the conformity brigade so we can say “Look, it isn’t just me!”
As for my own map? I did feel a twinge when I read that. I have no idea in some areas of my life, I have only local maps in others, but no grand, world map. I’m still figuring a lot of stuff out. A lot. But I’ll get there one day, and feel privileged to have shared your journey along the way.
Happy anniversary. Many happy returns! x
.-= Emma Newman´s last blog ..What makes a good short story? =-.
@ Ryan – I have to “Wow” right back at you — what a stimulating, wonderful reply. First, thank you for introducing me to a new Elizabeth Bishop poem, and those subtly powerful final lines… they really grabbed me inside!
I think you’ve brought up a lot of important points, such as the need to question the challenging of conventions — as you pointed out, sometimes people rebel or speak out for non-constructive reasons, just to buck the “mainstream.” It really is important that we appreciate changing conventions for their value (if they are indeed valuable), not simply because they’re new and sexy. I think you’re right on when you talk about weaving new conventions into the worthy ones of the past, and preparing for new/unknown conventions… that balance is key, but I’m sure it’ll take us a while to manage it.
Also, thank you for your kind words. It means a lot that you support my writing here
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@ Kelly – I actually haven’t even heard of that book! Thanks for letting me know and giving me a snippet preview. I’ve been considering writing a post about the transition/living abroad nitty-gritty — I’ll let you know about all that soon
.
@ MK – Thank you so much…and thank you for highlighting that one line, and reminding me (yep, even the writer needs to be re-reminded often) how powerful honor is. I think weaving this feeling into our attitude can be a pretty potent way to create the path that feels right.
@ goggosia – Ooh, a drive-by mystery lover!
@ Taylor – I agree with you wholeheartedly. I’ve used a similar tactic to make decisions on moving forward — asking myself, “What do I want to be remembered for when I’m dead?” A bit more morbid, but it’s just an effective way to tap into what you really care about. It’s not really about what other people think, as I’m sure you’ll agree, but mostly just about what matters to you.
@ ejly – I like how you think! That’s a more accurate description of what we’re going through … and it makes me think if we’ll continue on that path, or eventually settle into new conventions for a while? Hmm…
@ Icy – True, true — risks are golden! Thanks for your support
.
@ Emma – I’m so happy this post could be your umbrella! Thank you for the warm words. I think we’re all still drawing our maps — and that’s the beauty of it. No need to have your map all figured out… you’re on a strong path from what I see
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Wow – talk about powerful stuff. You’ve definitely hit the nail on the head with some “essential prose” and yes, reading it did tug at some heartstrings.
Having just thrown away all the maps I’ve been given over the years and faced with an awfully blank piece of paper, getting started on that map is pretty powerful but at the same time somewhat daunting. I’ve done the hard part, which was the throwing away, and this bit feels scary but easy, as if I should have been here all along.
Here’s to hoping our roads continue to cross, and happy blogiversary!
.-= Andy Hayes´s last blog ..If You Can’t Go…A List of Travel Alternatives =-.
This is quite possibly one of the most beautifully written and inspiring blog posts I have ever encountered. Thank you for taking the time to write it. I particularly love that you leave no trace of apology throughout; instead, I meet with a confident assertion of the validity of your own subjective reality and the ways in which this informs your approach to the world. Brilliant.
This was a pleasure to read. Places in between, shifts in context and convention really breed depth, perspective, agility and a bit of hard won grace…so lovely to see such finely toned creative muscle here and imagination…congratulations on your path so far…it looks like a splendid map from here.
And thank you for taking the time to write it out for us to see. Smiles and best wishes for you and your personal compass.
.-= Janice Cartier´s last blog ..Tea Trots, Hemingway and Paris =-.
Hi Zoë,
You have a wonderful writing style and cover some very interesting topics.
While I wholeheartedly agree with questioning conventions, I’m not too comfortable with the term “subjective reality” to describe our own view of reality.
Many ideas that are accepted as fact are really just opinions that cloud people’s understanding of reality. When somebody like you comes along to challenge these ideas, you’re being more realistic than the people that question you and your decisions. Your life is proof that not only is it possible for you, but for everyone who chooses to accept the fact that reality is *not* dictated by the whims of the majority.
The problem I have with “subjective reality” is that it gives the impression that there are no fixed rules in reality and that we create all the rules. Those who succeed in life don’t create the rules, but discover them. They have the willingness to see reality for what it is, rather than accept what people say reality is.
The earth isn’t flat or round based on people’s subjective reality. It’s round, but people can choose to see it for what it is or cling to a false idea about it.
I would say the title of this post should be: “Why Are People Not Realistic”
Thanks again, and I look forward to reading more from you!
.-= Haider´s last blog ..Asking the Wrong Question =-.
Wonderful and powerful, so inspiring. Found this on twitter via Tim Brownson and just love it!
When I graduated college in 1989, I wanted to backpack across Europe. I bought all the books, filled a spiral notebook with all my ideas. I studied maps and put flags where the hostels were. I color coded my priorities. Belgium was high on the list, France, not so much. But, there was that looming student loan debt, and I was offered a writing job with the Air Force, and eventually I chose a traditional career trajectory.
One of my supreme worries then was that my father would die while I was in Europe. Twenty years later, my father is still living. I don’t have regrets, but I don’t have memories of being 20-something, traipsing through Europe. Our possibilities and dreams change as we age. You seized the day. Here is a song about that by Ellis Paul who hails from the Boston folk scene. Maybe you’ve heard of him.
http://www.ellispaul.com/index.php?page=songs&category=Live&display=219
.-= jen´s last blog ..missing michael jackson more than i missed him before =-.
Life should be about following passion to purpose and not about being regular! I’m trying to raise my children to be peculiar – unique – and not to do something because the world says it must be done.
My husband and I both work from home and most people have no concept of what that means. “They” can’t see how it’s work if you do not drive from the house, enter the office and work for eight hours. Your article definitely reminds us all that living can supply the needs and wants and that we do not have to conform to survive!
.-= Kathryn Lang´s last blog ..Making the Most of a Home Office =-.
Again Zoë thanks for this great post. The idea of creating one’s map is similar to what you mentioned a coupe of months ago, creating one’s life – not finding it.
.-= Jean Philippe´s last blog ..Selfless Action is Always Rewarded =-.
@ Andy – Great to hear your perspective, since I’ve watched you launch this new path! It’s so true that you know it’s right when even though it’s difficult, it feels like it’s meant just for you. It’s pretty wonderful to discover the things that make working really hard an honor.
@ Cam – Thank you so much for your beautiful comment. I think it’s sometimes difficult to negotiate the line between being unapologetic and sounding didactic. The support means a lot
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@ Janice – What lovely words, thank you! “A bit of hard-won grace” and agility — outcomes I aspire to
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@ Haider – Thanks for offering your insight. While I understand what you mean, I have to say that I do believe everything we know is subjective to the extent that our language and understanding of everything passes through perspectives and filters we’ve created. “Flat” and “round” are categories we’ve created, and there are infinite re-classifications and new language that could replace them if we found new ways to perceive.
@ Miriam – Thanks so much
. Hope to see you more on the blog!
@ Jen – It’s wonderful that you don’t have regrets — I think that’s really important — but your story does show the ways we can scare ourselves and limit ourselves. Thanks for the song lyrics, which I hadn’t seen before.
@ Kathryn – “Raising my children to be peculiar” — I love it! I can totally relate the work-from-home issues … it’s hard to convince people that you actually work, and that you don’t just hang out at home all day — especially hard when you enjoy your work!
@ Jean Philippe – Yep, it’s a theme that’s becoming pretty constant in my life. Can’t escape it
!
Zdub,
You seem to be the embodiment of what I consider a major social shift that’s occurring around the world…or at the very least, in this corner of the world.
Everyday, it seems, I encounter people who, when they give themselves permission to ‘dream’, recognize that something has changed this past year, and that doing what they’ve always done before just doesn’t make sense anymore. They see a different way, and they imagine the possibilities. But as is typical, many of these people stop dead in their tracks when given the chance to make that dream a new reality. For them.
Getting past that barrier of societal expectations is about the hardest thing on the planet to do. So many associations were made in our brains at a time when we neither had the faculties to stop them, nor the realization that they were things that ought to be stopped.
When the default is a flight to safety, the system is clearly broken. And when the reality of that safety we imagine and move towards in such a time no longer exists, well that’s just insanity.
So much of my time this past year has been about moving beyond what I’ve known, since what I’ve known has not served me well. I love that you’re out there clearing a path, and I’m very grateful to you.
Jeb, thank you so much for your thoughts. You’re so right to point out the depth of societal expectations. It seems that we must perpetually challenge and question what we think we know, in order to continue unfolding the layers of assumptions, expectations, and limitations. The most deeply hidden ones are the most limiting, and of course the most difficult to shake.
I learn so much by taking the time to articulate these thoughts, and opening this platform to hear perspectives from you and other people reading this blog… so I too am very grateful indeed
.
Very well said.
It does seem that more and more people and willing (and able) to upend their life and move somewhere else, taking in a completely different cultural (and economic and philosophical) experience than the one they were enjoying in their own backyard.
I know for me, the prospect of continuing down the road that I’ve been on (very successful studio, with the work and money just piling on) just seemed so…depressing. I felt that by staying in one place, even though I work for myself I was still being shortchanged and not enjoying the breadth of experiences that are available to me.
The reasons are different for each and every person, though, and that’s a big reason why it’s so much fun to explore the blogs that people have started in the location independent niche. So many stories, so much inspiration.
Keep it up!
.-= Colin Wright´s last blog ..Park Further Away to Achieve Enlightenment =-.
This was lovely to read.
.-= Elyse´s last blog ..Car Insurance =-.
@ Colin – You’re right, the motivations do vary so much. It’s always interesting to hear/see the accumulation of experiences that pushes someone to the tipping point where they decide to change. Not that there’s always a tipping point — for some people, veering from the mainstream is natural. Thanks for your perspective
@ Elyse – Thanks very much
.
I can’t remember how I ended up on your blog, but I’m glad I did – this was a fun post to read. I can’t count the number of people who have oohed and aahed over the fact that I live abroad, only to follow it with “I’d love to do that, but I just can’t” and some excuse that makes it sound like they have real responsibilities and I don’t. Sometimes I just want to shake them until they understand that they are creating their own realities.
.-= Jul´s last blog ..I’m talking about beverages. What are you talking about? =-.
@ Jul – Thanks for coming by
. I can certainly relate to what you described… I look forward to hearing more about your perspectives.